Do I need to tame it?
When we meet a man, when we are in the moment of starting a relationship, we are very attracted by his male power and energy. We are proud if he fearlessly drives a motorcycle. We are inspired by his victories in fisticuffs. We enthusiastically tell our friends about how he goes to race to another city, to competitions, takes first place. And even if there are no such obvious manifestations of power, we are proud of its other merits.
We like it when a man caring for us rigidly indicates his position – you do not go there and the point! Inside, there may even be a slight riot, but from the male, hard fist on the table, everything calms down inside. Protected. He is strong. He is a real man.
This we expect in family life – that he will take responsibility, bang his fist on the table, make a decision himself, calm the agitated mind. We dream of a strong shoulder, forgetting that in this case we need to give up much in our behavior.
A real man, in a sense, is very close to nature. He is as indestructible, wild, unbridled. And … dangerous. It is dangerous such a volcano once again to disturb, warm up, provoke, cut, suppress …
When a man marries, his world changes dramatically.
I know many men whom the wedding has radically changed. One of my acquaintances at the behest of his wife and, out of love for her, broke off relations with all his friends. There remained only a couple of “acceptable” options – with which you could only drink beer at the cottage on weekends. At the same time, his passion – hikes, mountaineering, mountains – disappeared from his life. It was too dangerous for the father of the family. Therefore, all the equipment was distributed to friends and acquaintances.
The ultimatums were stiff: “Either I, or this,” there were further arguments that one should grow up, that he should think about the family. And, for the love of his wife, he agreed to everything. He did not want to leave her as a widow, did not want to see her tears and emotions. He loved her – and made a choice. Difficult choice.
He became a home, caring father. Inside, it is deeply unhappy. It was noticeable to many. He tried to realize his male part in the education of his son – to temper it, to engage in sports with him. But this was also forbidden by his wife. Motivation – the son is too small.
After a few years, my wife left for another. To the crazy stuntman, riding a motorcycle through the night city. She talked about the disappeared passion, about how much he had changed, that he did not care about anything and did not care.
But, who made him that way?
Who forbade him to be a man in this family? Who blackmailed him from all that helped him to be a man?
Now he has recovered – and has become the same again. It still conquers the peaks, descends on a snowboard where the human foot has not set foot. He is full of energy, his eyes are glowing again. He again likes women. But now for him the family is something terrible. What can again take away his strength and masculinity?
This is often the case. A woman after a wedding tries to domesticate a man. For your convenience. In order not to worry, where he is and how. In order not to remain a widow. And also that he attracted less women. The more manual it is, the less interesting it is to others.
Men agree to this. Because they did not see other examples – many of them were raised only by mothers. Others grew up with the same domesticated dad, devoid of his strength. They do not understand the price paid for this, and they call it simply “settle down”. And also because they love us and want to see us happy.
But the soul still remembers and knows. And longing for the former strength. Man as a lion, locked in a cage, will never become a domestic cat. He can become just a humiliated and trained lion. Have you ever seen such a lion’s eyes in a zoo or a circus? The same is happening in men’s hearts. Hearts, which are deprived of their strength.
Is it not accidental, in middle age, almost every man tries to throw off his family burden and start all the hard? Buy a racing car, quit his wife, do something extreme? And if this is not possible, then at least bump into computer games, and become a hero there …
In Europe, most often on racing cars, such as “Ferrari”, at the wheel sit grandfathers. And they also press the gas pedal with great pleasure. Remembering that they are still men. They are still strong and dangerous.
It turns out that we want to marry a superman who has conquered us with exploits and courage. And it’s more convenient for us to live – I’d like to emphasize this word “more convenient” -with a domestic scum that is engaged in something boring and safe, washes dishes, sex-and nobody is interested. Even ourselves. For convenience, you have to pay respect and own happiness …
Men’s power is needed for both
No matter how hard the women resist, they secretly dream of having the husband become the same again. Unchecked, strong, wild, dangerous. To come home suddenly, he embraced her so that he caught his breath. That at the time of the quarrel, when it bears, he resolutely said his “no” and again – with his fist on the table. To his eyes burned with fire of strength and passion.
The only difficulty is that next to such a man you need to become another. He can not be teased and provoked, pour oil on the fire when he gets angry.
Recently heard a story about how during a family quarrel husband broke his wife’s laptop in half. This is one of the manifestations of male power – you need to be very careful with it. Better than a computer, than something else.
Imagine that you are a chemist at work. You need to know exactly what can be confused and what – in no event. Otherwise, it threatens with problems. Each jar you take care and think through – and then what will happen? You have some instructions on how to deal with jars, how to store them, how to move them.
With a man, you need exactly the same. The only problem is that we do not have this instruction. And we put the experiments. One blew up. Another melted. They got hurt. And all would be nothing if we remember what actions lead to similar results.
For example, a man does not need to be angry when he is not in the spirit. Many people know about this. And who does that? Who is trying to pacify the dear at first and bring him into a good disposition, and then solve problems? Virtually no one …
More often than not, an angry man gets fueled by reproaches of his wife, her resentment, anger. And there is an explosion! His strength fluctuates depending on the man himself and how much oil the wife poured into the fire. But there is always destruction and sacrifice.
A man, inspired by something, does not need to be distracted and disturbed. Finally, he took the hammer in his hands and intends to hammer a nail. Do not bother him – step away. Because your advice “not there” and “not so” will not only lead him out of himself, but also lead to the fact that he will not score more than a single nail.
Men are dangerous?
Men are really dangerous. But, when women try to tame and neutralize them, they put a pig to themselves. Because they do not want children from the mattress. For his sake, I do not want to cook or be beautiful. It causes more pity and contempt than love and respect.
When a man has male power, a woman is not easy. She needs to learn to treat her husband correctly, so that it’s safe. She often needs to worry about him. And learn to trust him completely. And still understand that this man is very attractive for other women. Therefore, you must always remain for him most-most. The most beautiful, the most loving, the most gentle, the most unpredictable.
It’s a different choice and a different life. Stop controlling it. Stop checking his phones and do not make them come on time. Do not tell him who to communicate with and what to do. Do not evaluate his hobbies by the degree of their danger. Again and again to revive in him a passion for life.
Yes, let him decide to start triathlon. My husband is going to participate in IronMan next year. For me it sounds scary – to run all day, to swim and go not to a bicycle. This requires a lot of strength, endurance, time. He needs to train, buy equipment, participate in marathons. And I will have to accept his absence, employment, physical fatigue.
But this is nonsense compared to how his eyes shine when he says it and does something. When he runs ten kilometers or swims a kilometer and a half. This makes him stronger – not only physically, but also morally.
Someone from men dreams of a motorcycle. My husband is one of them. And I’m preparing morally to the fact that one day it will happen. I sometimes have to worry about him. And trust more. I know one girl who was very afraid, but agreed to buy a motorcycle husband. With our movement and respect on the roads – this is a very extreme purchase.
But several years have passed, and the husband from the hired worker has turned into a successful businessman. He drives his wife by car. And he is still the same, every evening saddles his iron horse. Although they have been married for more than ten years, she recently confessed that the passion did not abate and was not lost. With the motorcycle of this passion became more.
Hobbies: mountain skiing, racing, mountaineering, sports, business trips, feats, dangerous trips, extreme activities, communication with other peasants and much more, from what we want men to protect – in fact gives them strength and courage. The power to remain a man next to us. The power to take responsibility for yourself. Always and in any situation. The power of asceticism and endurance. A real man’s power. Which we appreciate and so miss.
John Elridge about men
And finally, I want to share with you one quote from John Elridge’s book “Unbridled Heart”. Which also inspired me to write this article.
Yes, men are really dangerous. But the scalpel is dangerous too. He can hurt, or he can save your life. You are not trying to make it safe by blunting it; you put it in the hand of someone who knows how to handle it.
If you’ve ever watched a horse, you probably know that stallions can deliver a lot of problems. They are strong, very strong, and on their mind. Stallions usually do not like bridles and can behave very aggressively – especially if there are mares nearby. The stallion is difficult to tame.
If you want a calmer, non-dangerous animal, there is a simple way out: it must be castrated. Merin is more flexible. You can literally lead him by the nose; he will do what you tell him without expressing any protest.
With him you will have only one problem: the gelding can not give life. He can not do what the stallion can do. Yes, the stallion is a dangerous animal, but if you need a life that it can give, you need to accept that it is dangerous. One can not exist without the other … “
Appreciate in men their male power. And help them to become stronger and more courageous. There is nothing to worry about that he does not wash dishes at home. Buy a dishwasher – or learn to love this process. Let him deal with men’s affairs, which without him no one will do. Deeds that fill it with power and energy.