Social-Emotional Learning in Early Childhood: Building Emotional Intelligence From the Start
A child who can identify her feelings, calm herself when frustrated, and make friends is building skills that will matter more than any academic subject. Social-emotional learning — the process of developing self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision-making — is increasingly recognized as the foundation of school readiness and lifelong success.
The Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning defines SEL as the process through which children acquire the knowledge, skills, and attitudes to manage emotions, set goals, show empathy, establish positive relationships, and make responsible decisions. Research from the past two decades has established that SEL programs improve not only social outcomes but also academic achievement by an average of eleven percentile points.
The Five Core Competencies
CASEL’s framework organizes SEL into five interconnected competencies. Each develops through explicit instruction, modeling, practice, and supportive relationships.
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize one’s own emotions, thoughts, and values and understand how they influence behavior. In early childhood, this begins with basic emotion identification: the toddler who can say angry instead of hitting, the preschooler who recognizes that her stomach feels tight when she is worried.
Children develop emotional vocabulary through explicit teaching and modeling. When a caregiver names a child’s emotion — You look frustrated that the tower fell down — the child learns the label for her internal experience. Over time, children develop more nuanced emotional vocabularies and can talk about causes and intensities of feelings.
A study by Izard and colleagues found that emotion knowledge in preschool predicted social competence and academic performance in first grade, even after controlling for IQ and family background. Children who could accurately identify emotions in themselves and others were better liked by peers and rated more highly by teachers.
Self-Management
Self-management is the ability to regulate one’s emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in different situations. For a three-year-old, this means not biting when angry. For a five-year-old, it means taking deep breaths instead of screaming when she does not get what she wants.
Self-regulation develops gradually across early childhood. The prefrontal cortex, which governs impulse control and emotional regulation, is still developing rapidly during the preschool years. Children cannot be expected to regulate their emotions perfectly — their brains are literally not built for it yet.
Strategies that support self-regulation include teaching specific calming techniques such as belly breathing, counting to five, or asking for a hug. Visual supports — such as a calm-down corner with sensory objects — help children manage their emotions independently. Consistent routines and clear expectations reduce the cognitive load on young children, making it easier for them to regulate their behavior.
A landmark study by Moffitt and colleagues followed a cohort of children from birth to age thirty-two and found that childhood self-control predicted physical health, substance dependence, personal finances, and criminal offending outcomes decades later, independent of IQ and socioeconomic status. The ability to regulate impulses in childhood was a stronger predictor of adult outcomes than any other variable measured. Play-based learning provides extensive opportunities for practicing self-regulation in a natural context.
Social Awareness
Social awareness is the ability to take the perspective of and empathize with others, including those from diverse backgrounds and cultures. Empathy — the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings — begins to emerge in the second year of life.
Toddlers as young as fourteen months offer comfort to someone who is distressed, though their comforting strategies are not always effective — a toddler may offer their own blanket to a crying adult. By age three, children can distinguish between their own feelings and another person’s feelings. By five, they can reason about what might make someone feel better in a given situation.
Empathy develops through warm, responsive caregiving. When children experience empathy from their caregivers, they learn to offer empathy to others. Explicit teaching also helps — labeling others’ feelings, discussing how characters in books might feel, and coaching children to consider others’ perspectives during conflicts.
Relationship Skills
Relationship skills include the ability to establish and maintain healthy relationships, communicate clearly, listen actively, cooperate, negotiate conflict, and seek help when needed. These skills develop primarily through peer interactions.
Three-year-olds are learning to share, take turns, and enter play groups. Four-year-olds are navigating more complex social dynamics, including friendship preferences and exclusion. Five-year-olds are capable of negotiating, compromising, and apologizing with increasing genuineness.
Teachers and parents support relationship skills by modeling positive interactions, coaching children through conflicts rather than solving problems for them, and providing ample time for unstructured peer play. Language development in toddlers is closely connected to relationship skills because children need language to express needs, negotiate, and resolve conflicts.
Responsible Decision-Making
Responsible decision-making is the ability to make constructive choices about personal behavior and social interactions. This competency develops later than the others because it requires integrating self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship skills.
In early childhood, responsible decision-making begins with simple choices — choosing between two snacks, deciding whether to share a toy, deciding what to build during block time. Adults support this skill by offering limited, appropriate choices and by helping children consider consequences.
As children develop, they can participate in solving real problems in the classroom or family. How can we make sure everyone gets a turn with the new toy? What should we do when someone feels left out? Involving children in these discussions builds decision-making skills and communicates respect for their perspectives.
Implementing SEL in Early Childhood Settings
Effective SEL implementation in early childhood requires intentionality across the entire day, not just during designated SEL lessons.
Creating a Supportive Climate
The emotional climate of the classroom or home is the foundation of SEL. Children learn best in environments where they feel safe, valued, and connected. This means warm, responsive interactions between adults and children, predictable routines, and clear, developmentally appropriate expectations.
Teachers can build a supportive climate by greeting each child by name at arrival, acknowledging children’s emotions throughout the day, and using positive guidance strategies rather than punishment. A child who is hitting because she is angry needs help regulating her anger, not a time-out that isolates her when she most needs connection.
Explicit SEL Instruction
Many evidence-based SEL curricula are designed for preschool classrooms. Second Step, PATHS, and Al’s Pals are among the most widely used and researched. These curricula provide structured lessons teaching specific skills such as identifying feelings, calming down, and solving problems.
Research on these programs shows consistent positive effects. A meta-analysis of forty-nine studies of preschool SEL programs found significant improvements in social-emotional skills, reductions in challenging behavior, and improvements in academic performance. Effects were strongest when programs were implemented with fidelity and when families were involved.
Integrating SEL Across the Day
SEL does not happen only during explicit lessons. Every interaction is an opportunity for social-emotional learning. When a child struggles to zip his coat, the adult can support frustration tolerance. When two children argue over a truck, the adult can coach negotiation. When a child falls and skins her knee, the adult can model empathy and help the child self-soothe.
These teachable moments are more powerful than scripted lessons because they occur in authentic contexts with genuine emotional stakes. Skilled early childhood educators recognize and capitalize on these moments throughout the day.
The Role of Families
Family involvement significantly enhances the impact of SEL programming. Children learn social-emotional skills best when they are reinforced consistently across settings.
Parents can support SEL at home by using the same language and strategies that children learn at school. If the classroom teaches belly breathing for calming, a parent can use belly breathing at home when the child is upset. If the school uses a feelings chart, parents can use one at home.
Parents can also model social-emotional competence. Children learn more from what parents do than from what parents say. When parents manage their own emotions calmly, apologize when they make mistakes, and treat others with kindness, children internalize these behaviors.
Regular communication between families and teachers supports consistency and helps parents understand what their child is learning and how they can reinforce it at home. Parent involvement in early childhood education is one of the strongest predictors of program effectiveness.
Frequently Asked Questions
At what age should I start teaching social-emotional skills? From birth. Infants learn about trust and relationships through responsive caregiving. Explicit SEL teaching becomes more intentional around age two, when children begin to experience more complex emotions and social situations.
My child has frequent tantrums. Is this normal or a sign of a social-emotional delay? Tantrums are normal for children ages one to four, particularly when they are tired, hungry, or overwhelmed. The frequency should decrease as language skills develop. If tantrums are very frequent, last more than twenty-five minutes, or involve aggression toward self or others, consult your pediatrician.
Can SEL be taught to children with developmental delays? Yes, and it is particularly important for these children. SEL curricula may need to be adapted to meet individual needs, and children with developmental delays may benefit from more explicit instruction, more repetition, and more concrete supports such as visual aids.
How can I tell if my preschooler’s SEL program is high quality? Look for teachers who use positive guidance strategies rather than punishment, who acknowledge and validate children’s feelings, who model social skills, and who provide ample time for unstructured play. The program should have a written SEL curriculum or philosophy and should communicate with families about social-emotional goals.
Child Development Milestones — Kindergarten Readiness — Play-Based Learning